For some marriages, the first four years tend to be the hardest. This, as marriage experts explained, happens because marriage often progresses from the “honeymoon” to the “adjustment” phase.
In the adjustment phase – for many marriages – there is an interplay of work, homemaking, child-rearing, in-laws, and other responsibilities that cause couples’ preoccupation with each other to wind down.
Not only do circumstances change, but spouses also change, as a sex therapist, Christopher Jones, noted in an online article.
“Your wants, needs, and desires are different now than when you first got together. Each of you now has new likes and dislikes, which change over time.
“Some couples panic when they realise this and they think it’s a bad thing when actually this is the perfect opportunity to reconnect and keep the passion and romance alive in the relationship,” Jones wrote.
Speaking on how couples can ignite the passion in their marriages, a marriage counsellor, Mrs Ngee Okonkwo, said, “All marriages are complex because we human beings are complex in nature.
“What I call passion may be boring to my spouse and what excites him might be what I cannot stand. You have to intentionally decide to be happy and this in turn attracts happiness in your spouse.”
Understand love languages
A relationship coach, Victoria Uyi, in an interview with our correspondent, pointed out that spouses must understand each other’s love languages.
She said, “There are different ways by which people interpret, give, and receive love. Some by offering affirming words, some by acts of service, some people love by physical presence, some through gifts, and some by physical touch.
“What normally helps is to communicate and observe what your partner likes. When the romance aspect of your marriage starts going down, that’s the time to metaphorically speak your spouse’s love language.”
Be flexible
Uyi also stated that couples who wish to revive the passion in their marriages must exhibit flexibility.
“Nothing kills passion in a marriage faster than rigidity – when you are so stiff and unwilling to try something new. Some women complain that some men are almost like robots, even in bed. It could be due to an upbringing issue but it can be changed.
Try flexibility with your spouse in small steps and take it from there. Learn to be spontaneous, talk freely, touch and hug each other, even when it’s not time to make love, play games together, and be vulnerable with each other,” she added.
Speaking with our correspondent, a cleric, Anthony Oderinto, advised couples to “change how they make love and where”.
“You can change your routine and timing of lovemaking or do it elsewhere aside from the bedroom. You can do it on the floor, in the shower, living room, and even rent a (room in a) hotel.
“Talk with your partner and ask if you could try new love-making styles in the bedroom. Send erotic text messages to each other even while at work.
“Send her pictures of you and express how your heart longs for her. Marriage is intentional and these are some of the things that spice it up.”
Change your schedule
“Stress is one of the factors that can cause marital wear and tear, so I will suggest that there is a change of schedules when couples are unduly affected by the demands of work or child-rearing. Couples must have their own ‘me-time’ alone without any interruption,” Oderinto added.
On her part, Uyi advised that couples avoid using their personal moments to argue about money, the children, or other pressing needs. “That is not the time to bring up the oil that just finished or your neighbour’s dogs that are barking; it’s a time for intimate talk,” she added.
Get sweaty
Health experts have cited the many benefits of physical exercise and its role in emotional well-being.
“Whether it is an indoor workout or outdoor exercise, couples should learn to do this activity together. Not only does it boost their emotional health, but it also increases confidence and sexual arousal.
“Many couples lose affection for each other because of weight gain and exercising together can encourage spouses to lose the weight gain. Couples need to help one another get back into shape,” Oderinto added.
Excite the senses
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